Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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