someone threw a dead crab at me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
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I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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