bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
