i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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