she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
