she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
