then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
