You're my little dorito
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
