3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
