i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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