im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
