I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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