Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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