dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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