I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
