Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
