the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
