Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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