he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
