I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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