I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
