Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
