Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
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No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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