You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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