do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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