upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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