Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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