Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
