No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
