just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
