So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
