Tell her she can't have a vagina
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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