i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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