Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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