i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
