bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
