so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
