Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
