She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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