I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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