talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
