yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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