It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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