Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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