yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
