I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
her vagine was all disorganized.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
