the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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