in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
