I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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