Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
