youre lurking in front of me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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