12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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