just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
