Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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