Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
