Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
