His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
