That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
