i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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