dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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