apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
