my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
